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About Kc



    "You are really cool you are married to an European!! How cooler can you be??"
    Fisherman Pecheur

    "Smarty Pants"
    Mad Matt

    "Oh, you did not ask for Bonhoeffer's opinion did you? You wanted mine..."
    the SOFYST

    "You are like the master at this "feelings" stuff!
    Kind Kristi

    "I enjoy your comments, but they are always delightfully enigmatic"
    Dyspraxic Fundamentalist

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I can’t believe you did that to me!

Anger is always a shock to our system. It may begin with doubt but when it becomes obvious our expectation has failed it can shake us to the core. In some cases the loss can cause us to experience the full cycle of true grief. This can occur most frequently when our expectations were reasonable and we’ve been greatly disappointed or even wronged by the misdeed of another, usually someone we trust and depend on. Those acquainted with grief know well the painful stages of denial, anger, blame and hopefully, eventually, acceptance. There’s even the same tendency to revisit each stage with every consideration of the loss. This form of anger tears out our heart and darkens our soul so that we often fail to enjoy any blessings from God no matter how many or how great. No repentance can restore what’s been lost and even complete forgiveness on our part won’t heal the open aching wound. Left untreated this anger can turn our heart cold toward others and toward God and leave our life in ruin. This type of anger is one of the most terrible things we can ever experience. It happens when we allow our failed expectation to provoke us to loose hope.

One of the greatest blessings we have as believers is the assurance that all God has said He will do, He will do. So many times pride can cause us to gain confidence in our own understanding. We learn to trust in ourselves to know what to expect and who to expect it from. We become so certain of others we’ve judged worthy that our hope is shifted from the promise of God to our own understanding of what is and what will be. The trust that we place in our own perception and reason becomes a false hope to us. When God, through His mercy, reveals the truth in our heart our sinful nature tempts us to rebel. We think to ourselves “things simply shouldn’t be this way, it’s not fair, it’s not right” and immediately find someone to blame for our own false hope and the grief cycle begins. We might first blame the offender and strive to reveal their sin in their heart. We might even blame God who has “allowed” this terrible injustice in our life, but ultimately we will end up blaming our self for being so stupid, so trusting, so naive. Blame is useless in every situation and never resolves anything. It only aggravates the situation and increases misery. God is not punishing us with the truth. He’s blessing us with it. He’s giving us an opportunity to shift place our hope in Him where it’s safe and sure; where it’s real. The pain from the loss of our false hope can’t compare to the pain from the loss of a life faithfully wasted chasing after false hopes.

So you’ve tried all that you know to show the offender the injustice they’ve thrust upon you and despite your plea they continue to behave as if their deeds aren’t destroying you. Take responsibility for your feelings and distance yourself, removing the opportunity for any further transgression on their part. It’s the least you can do for them. Pray and ask God to reveal the truth in their heart as well and trust that in His time, not yours, they’ll understand. Most importantly have mercy on yourself for having misplaced your hope. You are no better than God who already has shown you such wonderful tender, loving mercy.

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Blogger Ron said...


You have posted a thought provoking subject! In our world, we seem to associate love and anger. How? By describing them as emotions. And we know what happens to all of us when are emotions control us instead of us controlling our emotions! Yet, Paul admonished us to be angry, but do not sin. So could it be that he is referring to a spiritual anger, as opposed to an emotional anger? If so, then how do we renew our minds to come up to God's level of understanding on this issue? I appreciate you, my friend, far more than you know!

10/27/2005 07:14:00 AM  
Blogger Kristi said...

You give very good advice--to take responsibility for your feelings and then remove yourself from the offender. Sometimes this is very hard for me. I find myself with such a heart to help anybody, and I don't always know where to stop. I give and give, letting myself get all walked over and hurt, but don't think about it because I want something for the other person. Then I become angry when I wasn't able to help like I wanted to, and all I did was get used. Somewhere I need to find a balance. Your thoughts today help. thanks.

10/27/2005 07:57:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Ron, that appreciation is shared, as you well know. ;-)

I understand love to be a choice of action and the resultant feelings I describe as feelings of love. While all feelings are real, not all are valid and many tend to satisfy themselves with invalid feelings of love. I intend to post much more on that later.

I urge believers not to try and control their emotions, but to accept them and accept responsibility for them. I also urge them to never be controlled by emotion and I’m certain that’s what you mean.

What you term spiritual anger I consider to be righteous indignation and it seems you’ve read my mind. That’s next on my to-do list.

Finally it’s really great to have your comments and thoughts here again! ;-)

10/27/2005 08:02:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Kristi I know you suffer in this. ;-)

Please have mercy on yourself for that, but yes, learn when and how hard to fight and when and how far to run.

A believer who truly loves is always going to find them selves in the position of being used. It’s unavoidable. The key is to be aware of that possibility and as soon as you suspect you’re being used, confront the offender with your suspicion and explain your need to withdraw until you can feel more certain that what you’re doing isn’t helping them to be more of a user. Don’t expect this effort to be appreciated but it may well be his or her greatest need to realize what they’re doing. Sadly the messenger always gets shot but those wounds heal quickly when you see God use your courage to work in the life of another. If your suspicion is unfounded then that person will be glad to give you the space to see for yourself and they’ll be more than willing to give you what ever you need to know their intent. If you have any doubt, then better to risk erring on the side of love. Just remember you not only have the right to expect others to earn your trust, you have a responsibility to help those that help, not those that hurt.

May God richly bless you ;-)

10/27/2005 08:20:00 AM  
Blogger Ron said...


I definitely agree with the term righteous indignation. That came to mind as I was writing the response.

10/27/2005 09:12:00 AM  
Blogger Nunzia said...

God is not punishing us with the truth. He’s blessing us with it.


This was a really beautifully written post. I'm so glad I found your blog. God bless!

10/27/2005 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Nunzia I'm glad too. ;-)

10/27/2005 02:41:00 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

Great post KC! I would like to add some thoughts here, but you know I how I think about these issues and they pretty well line up with yours. So I will "discipline" myself to just learn more from your thoughts here and not do any adding............yet LOL

10/27/2005 05:14:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Kris two things.

1. I have had my browser opened to your site for over an hour trying to make your next blog magically appear. (grin)

2. As the sole owner of the only KRV revision in existence you have a great responsibility to share your thoughts here!

Now that I’ve got that off my chest it sure is good to hear from you. I really count on your presence, encouragement and yes, even your oversight.

God bless you dear brother. ;-)

10/27/2005 05:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi, kc. it's my first time here and i'm glad that i came over. with everything i'm going through now, the lines you wrote: "One of the greatest blessings we have as believers is the assurance that all God has said He will do, He will do." is such an encouragement. God gave me and hubby a promise and we're holding on to it. that line you wrote gave me a boost to stand firm on that promise more. there are so many other things happening in my life but reading your post just gave me a little light in this darkness i'm in right now.

thank you and God bless.

10/27/2005 11:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, i hope you don't mind. i'd like to add you to my links.

10/27/2005 11:41:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Pia you're such a blessing to Corry and I. I'm very thankful to have your thoughts here and I know you're comments will be a blessing to all who read them. You know our prayers are with you all and we continue to need yours as well. ;-)

10/28/2005 09:13:00 AM  

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