I can’t believe you did that to me!

Anger is always a shock to our system. It may begin with doubt but when it becomes obvious our expectation has failed it can shake us to the core. In some cases the loss can cause us to experience the full cycle of true grief. This can occur most frequently when our expectations were reasonable and we’ve been greatly disappointed or even wronged by the misdeed of another, usually someone we trust and depend on. Those acquainted with grief know well the painful stages of denial, anger, blame and hopefully, eventually, acceptance. There’s even the same tendency to revisit each stage with every consideration of the loss. This form of anger tears out our heart and darkens our soul so that we often fail to enjoy any blessings from God no matter how many or how great. No repentance can restore what’s been lost and even complete forgiveness on our part won’t heal the open aching wound. Left untreated this anger can turn our heart cold toward others and toward God and leave our life in ruin. This type of anger is one of the most terrible things we can ever experience. It happens when we allow our failed expectation to provoke us to loose hope.

One of the greatest blessings we have as believers is the assurance that all God has said He will do, He will do. So many times pride can cause us to gain confidence in our own understanding. We learn to trust in ourselves to know what to expect and who to expect it from. We become so certain of others we’ve judged worthy that our hope is shifted from the promise of God to our own understanding of what is and what will be. The trust that we place in our own perception and reason becomes a false hope to us. When God, through His mercy, reveals the truth in our heart our sinful nature tempts us to rebel. We think to ourselves “things simply shouldn’t be this way, it’s not fair, it’s not right” and immediately find someone to blame for our own false hope and the grief cycle begins. We might first blame the offender and strive to reveal their sin in their heart. We might even blame God who has “allowed” this terrible injustice in our life, but ultimately we will end up blaming our self for being so stupid, so trusting, so naive. Blame is useless in every situation and never resolves anything. It only aggravates the situation and increases misery. God is not punishing us with the truth. He’s blessing us with it. He’s giving us an opportunity to shift place our hope in Him where it’s safe and sure; where it’s real. The pain from the loss of our false hope can’t compare to the pain from the loss of a life faithfully wasted chasing after false hopes.

So you’ve tried all that you know to show the offender the injustice they’ve thrust upon you and despite your plea they continue to behave as if their deeds aren’t destroying you. Take responsibility for your feelings and distance yourself, removing the opportunity for any further transgression on their part. It’s the least you can do for them. Pray and ask God to reveal the truth in their heart as well and trust that in His time, not yours, they’ll understand. Most importantly have mercy on yourself for having misplaced your hope. You are no better than God who already has shown you such wonderful tender, loving mercy.