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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Why do you say that?

Well? What is it that motivates you to speak? My brother Ron says there are two kinds of people in the world, givers and takers. Consider this in terms of speech and communication and you’ll quickly realize how he can say that. Givers desire to provide others with the information they feel needed, in some way, by the intended recipient. They review all the information they receive to see what might prove helpful to others. Takers, on the other hand, use speech for manipulation to gain. They use their words to provoke thoughts and feelings in others that will cause them to behave in a desired way. They tend to withhold critical information until it can be used to motivate the recipient to a desired action. They collect information and warehouse it. As odd as it may seem, it is quite common for a giver to partner with a taker because they satisfy each other’s need. These relationships often result in a negative dependency with each reinforcing the weakness of the other.

What would be involved in developing relationships where each person gives and receives what’s needed when it’s needed? Wouldn’t sharing be preferable to giving or taking? Can we be sharing individuals or is sharing only possible in a committed relationship? Would faith make a difference in a sharing relationship?

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38 Comments:

Blogger Ron said...

Kc,

So imagine my surprise when I awaken and see this post! You have certainly hit it on the head; my words can bring life, or they can take it. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." It is interesting that I just posted on the tragedy in West Virginia, and how that relates to your post. One moment, people are rejoicing because the situation seemed to work out in their favor; the next, they are cursing because they found out it did not. Did God change in those few hours?

Every word that comes from our mouth or our hand is a seed; what kind of crop will my seeds produce?

1/05/2006 06:35:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Ron, I was surprised too but I chalked it up to our family ties (grin).

I am so sad for those in Va. and I can't begine to imagine the agony of being lifted so high and dropped so hard. May God have mercy on each one. I pray they all can set their hope in Him and have their spirit refreshed.

1/05/2006 07:38:00 AM  
Blogger sparrow's song said...

Would faith make a difference in a sharing relationship?

Faith is an over used word and sometimes vague term in society today. If you meant Faith in the True God/Jesus, then my answer is yes because it's more than just faith, it's a transforming power of the mind and attitudes. And when we line up with His will in our walks, we want to serve. His Spirit encourages us to seek the good of others before ourselves. What transformations would take in marriages and relationships if everyone embraced the teachings through the power of Christ.

A pleasure to post here. Thank you.

1/05/2006 08:16:00 AM  
Blogger Kristi said...

Yes, I believe this balance of giving and taking in communication can be reached. One of the most effective ways I have come across so far has been to learn the love language of the other person involved in the relationship. Have you studied the 5 love languages, Kc? That was the biggest help to me ever as far as relationships and communication.

1/05/2006 08:26:00 AM  
Blogger Kristi said...

woops, that was the wrong Kristi! =)

1/05/2006 08:27:00 AM  
Blogger Jayne said...

"Can we be sharing individuals or is sharing only possible in a committed relationship?"

I believe the only way I learned to share in a committed relationship was by being able to share as an individual.

As for faith in a sharing relationship...I wouldn't know it any other way. It's that complete silence between the Bill and me while knowing that everything is just fine. I think God works His magic during those times! :)

1/05/2006 10:55:00 AM  
Blogger Jayne said...

ARGH....We need spell-check for comments!!

"the Bill"...poor guy...now he's just a "the". shh...don't tell him!

1/05/2006 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Sparrow welcome and thanks for your comments. It is an honor to have them here. ;-)

I appreciate your distinction of faith and it is a good reminder to me that each of these articles should stand on their own. It is true that taken out of the context of this blog a person would have no idea I meant the believer’s faith.

Kristi Welcome! (hehe). You referred to the “balance” in sharing. This is specific to my question concerning relationships. I had almost concluded it is not possible to be a sharing individual but Jayne has me rethinking it. I have studied the five loves from a philosophical perspective but more recently I’ve come to suspect there are only two loves. More to come on that but my previous post on “how do I love thee” will give you a hint at where I’m heading. ;-)

Now there’s the Kristi we all know and love! Honestly there is no wrong Kristi who comments here! ;-)

Okay Jayne, my bible study guru, you’ve got the wheels turning here again. When you say you became a sharing person, do you mean a giving person? I’m trying to see if sharing really is something that an individual can do or if the very nature of sharing requires at least to who agree to share. I suppose you mean we should share what we have if we are to ever even have hope of being a part of a sharing relationship. Do our part and allow others the responsibility of doing theirs. Good point.

Now about the bill, I told you the check was in the mail! (hehe) Not to worry, your secret is safe with me….until I get a chance to talk to him! (grin)

1/05/2006 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger forgiven said...

Hi KC

Putting on Christ in all that we do . Love is the driver in a true communication. The love of what you are talking about or the love for the person you are speaking to . If you are a giver or taker of anything and you do not have Christ you will fall short. I love my Brother so I give what I can to them and I take wisdom from them. If I have no love then I know nothing that is good for you....

Great Post KC
Thank You

1/05/2006 01:06:00 PM  
Blogger jeff said...

kc,

Tha kind of relationship you're alluding to here, however ideal it may seem, is exactly what Christ wants from His people.

When asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus replied, "'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'

"This is the great and foremost commandment.

"The second is like it, '(B)YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.'"


But He didn't stop there...

"On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

There is nothing we face that ultimately, cannot be dealt with using these commandments. If our communication is lacking, it must be due to a deficiency in our love toward God & our neighbor.

1/05/2006 01:06:00 PM  
Blogger Timothy said...

KC
I'm afraid I just didn't understand it all... am I supposed to? :)

Maybe a lack of coffee...

1/05/2006 03:04:00 PM  
Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

Do you see a positive role, in religious or secular life for Takers?

God Bless

Matthew

1/05/2006 04:14:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

My thanks to all of you for your consideration and comments.

Doug, I think you understand where I’m coming from when I say share. We have to be willing to receive what we need as well as offer what is needed. You’ve also addressed the second part of my question concerning faith. Is it even possible to share like that outside of that love of God? That is my question. My tendency is to say no, but the scripture does allow for natural love in many things, such as a father for his child. I suspect a man could love his wife as well.

Jeff, we so agree in our understanding concerning the relationship of believers but isn’t communication a skill that we should develop along with our love? What about relationships with non-believers?

Titus, Sis. Beth will communicate these things to you clearly over a cup of Java and some toffee. ;-)

Matthew, in the sense that Ron means taker, no, but in that sense that Doug used taking as receiving what we need from others, I say yes. One of the qualifications for greatness in a believer is that he be a servant to the brethren, therefore there is need of a brother to be served. This idea could be represented by the student/teacher relationship.

1/05/2006 05:15:00 PM  
Blogger earth from eic said...

Couldn't this also apply to listening as well? Givers listen to understand what others are saying, while takers selectively pick out the parts they want which will give them a springboard on which to dive deeper into their manipulation.

1/05/2006 06:11:00 PM  
Blogger jeff said...

Actually kc, good communication is always others-oriented.

So is good love.

So yeah, they grow together, no matter if its with believers or non-believers.

1/05/2006 06:40:00 PM  
Blogger Jayne said...

You share your faith. I would consider that to be sharing as an individual. There is no agreement to share...but I'm grateful that you do.

1/05/2006 08:57:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Chris, we have the same perception. I phrased it as, “They tend to withhold critical information until it can be used to motivate the recipient to a desired action”.

It’s good to see you out and about again. ;-)

Jeff, I agree that is an essential of good communication and love. I’m still struggling with the concept of love outside of God.

Jayne I appreciate you so much. I’ve considered it further and at present I suspect that an individual can share but it takes two who agree to be in a sharing relationship.

1/05/2006 09:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a taker, LORD help me be a giver

1/05/2006 10:58:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Dear anonymous, I can't know your circumstance but if you ever want to talk I'll be honored to listen.

1/06/2006 12:21:00 AM  
Blogger sparrow's song said...

Anonymous said..."I am a taker, LORD help me be a giver"

Excellent.

and I say, (about myself)
"Lord help me be a humble receiver from those who sincerely give from the heart."

In doing so, I won't rob them of their blessings before the Lord. Sometimes my pride keeps me from receiving. And now that I've voiced that, perhaps that is something to ponder in my relationship with God.

"it is quite common for a giver to partner with a taker because they satisfy each other’s need."

Kc, I'm thinking there is a HUGE difference between a Taker and a Receiver.

1/06/2006 06:18:00 AM  
Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

I can see some value in evangelism to having a Taker mentality. Such a person, if truly committed to the Lord's work would be very focused on what they are saying to potential converts, telling tem such things as may lead them to the Lord.

I preach with a guy who is such a Giver. He talks and talks to potential converts on all manner of spiritual subjects. There is absolutely no focus to his evangelism. When he does open-air preaching, he mentions lots of things that are just not relevant to preaching the Gospel, such as wives submitting to their husbands.

I think there is something positive in what you identify in the 'Taker' mentality which is so often used for ill.

Every Blessing in Christ

Matthew

1/06/2006 02:39:00 PM  
Blogger Timothy said...

KC,
But what if someone is a giver, because they talk to encourage and build other up, but in reality, they are really takers, because they do that so that people will think well of them, but they know this and because they know it, the confess their selfish motivation to the Lord and become givers for the way they use their words, even though driven by self motivation, but ultimately a repentant motivation, so that they are no longer givers, but takers, and then givers again...

And what if someone seems to be a giver by always listening, when in reality, they are really takers, because they refuse to offer their opinions because they are selfish, and shy, which is self centeredness... and...

OK, this is so confusing... :(

1/06/2006 03:17:00 PM  
Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

Titus, I can be a bit like that sometimes.

God Bless

Matthew

1/06/2006 04:09:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Sparrow, great thoughts (I can say that since we agree!) ;-)

Matthew, I see what you mean and I think it comes down to the attitude of the individual and not simply the approach. By attitude I mean that which is the intent of our heart and occupies our thoughts that we are determined to accomplish. An individual with a sharing attitude might rightly ignore a plea for diversion in the best interest of another.

Titus, I think this would also help to eliminate the confusion you mentioned. If we maintain a sharing attitude then love will be our guide and there’s no need for a rulebook. If we find we have adopted the taker mentality then we know we have an advocate with the Father. ;-)

1/06/2006 05:04:00 PM  
Blogger An Ordinary Christian said...

You asked if faith would make a difference in a sharing relationship. Of course. Also, your reference about why people aren't better sharers, well, it's a nice thought, but there is the problem of the human heart and sin. The unregenerate person is a taker. The person in Christ is a giver. The born-again person who is walking in the flesh is a taker. The person who is not of faith, may be a giver, if God is being merciful upon him, and letting him do that. God needs to shed his grace, even upon the unbeliever or we wouldn't even be able to get along. Now, as far as those pathological relationships, when there are extremes, like co-dependency, well, what looks like "giving" isn't always so, and what looks like taking, probably is just that. Is it really giving to enable a bad person to treat God's person (the so called giver) like trash? Anyway, good questions that you asked. It certainly got a lot of responses.

1/06/2006 07:55:00 PM  
Blogger jeff said...

Hey kc,

'love outside of God'... jesus did that all the time. The gospel writers referred to it as compassion. It fleshed out in the form of teaching, meeting needs, healing the sick, casting out devils and raising the dead.

Just today I heard a preacher say, "What good is it to be 'the light' if we never go into the darkness?"

1/07/2006 12:29:00 AM  
Blogger audrey` said...

Hi KC :)

How is your back and Corry's cough?

Have a blessed weekend =D

1/07/2006 01:03:00 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

Ordinary Christian,

In your comments, you stated "The unregenerate person is a taker. The person in Christ is a giver." I have to respectfully disagree with that blanket statement. There are many Christians who are life takers. I cannot give you an answer why, but I can tell you that all you need to do is spend a little time with a person, listen to their conversation, and you can discern whether you are talking to a taker or a giver. It does boil down to the condition of the heart. That is one reason this post is so powerful, because it deals with the condition of the heart. It is from the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.

You bring up some very powerful issues, one being the state of a person if they believe in God. I wrote a devotional yesterday talking about the difference between believing in God and believing God. If you are interested in reading it, let me know, and I will gladly send it to you. A person can believe in God, yet their life never changes. A person who believes God has to change, because they believe His promises, and that person's hope and expectation lies in what they cannot see. A person that believes onlyin what he or she sees will most likely be a taker, because they have to have something now while they are living to see it. One who believes God will most likely be a giver, because his or her hope lies not in what is, but what is to come.

1/07/2006 05:47:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Andrea, thanks so much for joining in. Please know I am praying for you all even though I could not join in fasting. You’ve offered some interesting thoughts and I’ll be considering them further. Thank you. ;-)

Jeff, thanks Bro. I think I made a poor choice of words as you clearly illustrated. I still have the feeling there’s something you’re trying to show me that I’m being pig headed about. Do you think those acts of love that you described could originate from a person without the love of God in their heart? Big question, I know. ;-)

Audrey! My wonderful Sister! My back is great and Corry finally went to the Doc yesterday. We have had the greatest people praying for us! (grin) Corry has a severe case of bronchitis and will be on meds for a while so please continue to remember her. Thanks so much for checking in. You’re such a blessing to me.

Ron, thanks for staying with me through this. ;-)

1/07/2006 06:41:00 AM  
Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

Ladies who wear pants dont read the KJV often enough. They will be deceived by the Jewish Anti-Christ and the Whore of Rome. They probably also trample their own carpets in muddy boots.

Is that mean enough, KC? Apologies to any of the said ladies.

God Bless

Matthew

1/07/2006 07:23:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

HAHAHA Matthew!

To save the character of my very dear brother I had asked Matthew to post something really mean or rude here so I could have one thing about him I didn't like. The above comment was his best effort! Too Funny!

1/07/2006 07:37:00 AM  
Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

Theres a couple of British bloggers who seem to find me pretty offensive.

1/07/2006 09:19:00 AM  
Blogger jeff said...

Do you think those acts of love that you described could originate from a person without the love of God in their heart? Big question, I know. ;-)


Nope. I was viewing the question from the viewpoint of love TOWARD those who don't know God.

As far as the love they give or reciprocate, I'm not sure... I think it goes back to your post concerning the definitions of love. Do they have the agape capacity? Probably not.

I guess if God IS agape-love, then He is necessary to exhibit that love through them...

does that work??

1/07/2006 11:54:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Matthew I am certain there are many everywhere who are offended by anyone who does not agree with their opinions....Wouldn't you agree?...Well??...I'M RIGHT ABOUT THIS YOU KNOW!!! ;-)

Jeff, I was really hoping for a HUGE revelation, but okay, yes it works. ;-)

1/07/2006 01:50:00 PM  
Blogger Jayne said...

I just wanted to be the 35th comment. :)

Ron wrote: "difference between believing in God and believing God"

Yesterday's commentary for bible study talked about God's promises and asked if you believe them. I could easily say yes during the good, but I question everything during the bad. I'm working on that.

1/07/2006 02:06:00 PM  
Blogger Rose~ said...

I'm offended by Matthew's comment. (indignant harummmmppppf!)

just kiddin! :~)

kc, where are you?!?

1/08/2006 10:59:00 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

As always, a great post.

I could not help think, though, when I read your brother's statement about two kinds of people: There are two kinds of people in this world: those who think there are two kinds of people in this world and those who don't.

1/09/2006 06:48:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Jayne any number you pick is always welcome!

Rose, isn't he awful?? (hehe)

Joe, thanks brother.

That's a profound statement. It still has me considering the implications. ;-)

1/09/2006 05:30:00 PM  

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