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    "You are really cool you are married to an European!! How cooler can you be??"
    Fisherman Pecheur

    "Smarty Pants"
    Mad Matt

    "Oh, you did not ask for Bonhoeffer's opinion did you? You wanted mine..."
    the SOFYST

    "You are like the master at this "feelings" stuff!
    Kind Kristi

    "I enjoy your comments, but they are always delightfully enigmatic"
    Dyspraxic Fundamentalist

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Trust and Communication

Most of us know that trust and communication are two essential elements for the development of any permanent healthy relationship. I often observe how that problems arise when either of these elements is malformed. It is also difficult, if not impossible, for either of these elements to exist outside of the other. Communication is retarded or altogether broken where there is no trust, as vital information is rejected by doubt and fear. Trust is weakened or lost when the information necessary to nurture the relationship is not provided or accepted or is misunderstood. Some of the most difficult problems to solve have at their root an assumption at the start of the relationship of what has been entrusted and what are the agreed upon methods of communication. A prime example of this is the woman who enters a marriage with a man and trust that above all he will do the impossible in that nothing he ever says or does will result in her feelings being painful in any way. When the man then communicates some necessary but painful truth to her she believes her trust in him has been violated and immediately terminates communication as she refuses to accept any more hurt from him Plainly put, she won’t hear the truth. Now add to this the method she uses to communicate this perceived breach of trust. The woman will likely retaliate in kind with an equally painful violation of his trust in order to communicate her hurt to him. She will turn away and show no regard at all for him, only resentment and disdain. This only necessitates that he provide more painful truth. The cycle starts again with sadly predictable consequences.

Many of us have a similar relationship with God. We are like the woman who trusts that her husband will never allow her to feel bad even when she should. We need to go back to the beginning of our relationship and consider just what it is we have entrusted to Him. Are we willing to accept what is painful in order to be the bride we should be? Are we willing to communicate daily through study and prayer in order to avoid misunderstandings? Do we take great care with the Gospel and not violate what He has entrusted to us?

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