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    "You are really cool you are married to an European!! How cooler can you be??"
    Fisherman Pecheur

    "Smarty Pants"
    Mad Matt

    "Oh, you did not ask for Bonhoeffer's opinion did you? You wanted mine..."
    the SOFYST

    "You are like the master at this "feelings" stuff!
    Kind Kristi

    "I enjoy your comments, but they are always delightfully enigmatic"
    Dyspraxic Fundamentalist

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Do you know the difference?

Corry and I recently had a discussion over feelings. Corry contends, as many do, that women have the market cornered when it comes to feelings. I, on the other hand, believe everyone experiences similar feelings and the difference is in how we value emotion. I'm going to open the floor for discussion here. Do you believe men feel what women feel?



Blogger Corry said...

Oh yes, I definitely believe men feel as intens (maybe even intenser?) then women do, but for some reason they "seem" to be able to control them better. I think it has more to do with self-control then with value, although that last is disputable:-)

God's Grace.

1/18/2006 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Timothy said...

Corry, I don't think men have cornered the market on controling their feelings. Ever been to a football game? They lose all manner of control with different emotions... just ask Beth when my Aggies win... or lose... it's not a pretty sight. :( Ever heard of men who get angry and abuse their wives... ugh! I wish we could control our emotions better. I wish we were not as emotional... but I don't want to be like Spock either. No, what I wish for is more control... to be self controled. Christ was self controlled with his emotions, for He was emotional. But they were not all over the place. I think the sexes are just as emotional as one another, but those emotions come out differently... May they be more Christ-like.

1/18/2006 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger Timothy said...

And some more thoughts... may our emotions be more intense over the right things... why can't we be as emotional... (not out of control) over a wonderful sermon, or a great hymn, or a prayer offered from the heart, as we are over Aggie football (BTW, I think Aggies love it when their team loses... adds to the aura of being an Aggie.)

1/18/2006 11:23:00 AM  
Blogger dorsey said...

"why can't we be as emotional... (not out of control) over a wonderful sermon, or a great hymn, or a prayer offered from the heart, as we are over Aggie football"

I believe that we are, except that the revelation of profound truth inspires different emotions, not necessarily gauged by outward exhibitions.

To the question at hand, of course men and women experience the same emotions. Our difference is that those emotions are activated by different triggers, stemming from our unique perceptions and needs.

1/18/2006 11:50:00 AM  
Blogger Corry said...

Titus, I know what you mean, release a herd of women in a bargain store...same effect, haha. Feelings rule, reason is nowhere to be found.

No doubt the social acceptance and even the teaching that men are supposed to be the "strong" and women the "weaker" gender, have a great baring on it. Men are often taught not to show emotions while it is totally accepted (expected even?)that women do.

I came to the conclusion that Kc was right and it is a matter of value, placing more value on self control and what is best.
And I whole heartedly agree with you on being more emotional over the right things. I think we often have it backwards there:-)

God's Grace.

1/18/2006 12:07:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Dorsey would I be splitting hairs if I say I think it stems from our beliefs?

1/18/2006 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

"Just so you'll know" I believe men can feel the same emotions as women, But(don't you love those but monkeys) I don't believe they can feel some of the same emotions with the same intensity.

For instance the emotions a mother has toward her child, especially a newborn is way more intense and totally only a womans personal gift to receive after bring a life into the world. A man has the same emotions but(lol) its really not the same.

Am I clear as crystal?

1/18/2006 03:54:00 PM  
Blogger nathaniel adam king said...

I think the idea that women experience emotions more than men has been developed as a result of the feminist revolution (my terminology).

I think as well that you will only find this distinction within our culture.

Perhaps it is just me and my friends, but the guys I know are a lot more emotional then people think. I am a lot more emotional than 'guys are supposed to be'. I think the difference in the sexes does not lie in emotions.

1/18/2006 07:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i believe they do except that the intensity differs and the way they handle their emotions differ as well. in general, though there would always be exceptions, women are more emotional than men.

in some culture, like ours, men are not suppose to show much emotion on whatever they feel or anything that would tend to classify his reaction as unmanly, say crying in public. women on the other hand have the license to do this because in olden days it was perceived that women belongs to the weaker sex.

i'm not sure if i'm making sense here. hehe...

1/18/2006 10:58:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Kris, I think you're the first to mention the "I" word. I think our value determines the intensity of our emotion. I think women, in general, may feel intense emotion over one thing and men over another, but I think the reasons are social and not physical. I may take a few hits for this one but I also think the emotions a parent feels varies with the value they place on being a parent.

Adam I believe this thinking has been around for a while and not just here, nevertheless that's an interesting perspective. I know from experience that men are very emotional. The truth is we can be easily persuaded by our emotions but I think this too is social.

Pia I think women tend to react to their emotions but as I said I believe the intensity varies with our value and again, that due to differences that are not physical. I think one of those differences is culture, as you pointed out. I also think you always make good sense. ;-)

1/19/2006 06:46:00 AM  
Blogger Kristi said...

Lots of good things have already been said and discussed here. But, I'll go ahead and add another idea to the pot. I think that YES, men and women are both emotional creatures and have the capacity to have the same feelings. But, we very rarely experience the same feelings in a given situation. Why not? Because we interpret the situation differently. Our values, beliefs (as Kc pointed out), and experiences in life so far have all shaped our view of how we should feel about things. Thus when we are in a situation that calls for strong feelings, it goes through this filter, and our mind interprets it, and we react with the feeling that seems natural at the time. Because men place more value on different things than what women place high value on, our feelings about each situation will differ.

1/19/2006 07:53:00 AM  
Blogger Rose~ said...

I think women have more intense and regularly scheduled ups and downs because of hormones.
I may be wrong, though.

1/19/2006 08:01:00 AM  
Blogger dorsey said...

"Dorsey would I be splitting hairs if I say I think it stems from our beliefs?"

I'm a little late getting back, but could you elaborate??

1/19/2006 08:53:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Kristi glad you made it. I think my reply to Dorsey below also addresses your comment.

Rose I am quite confident that hormones have a great effect on our emotional stability, but I question their effect on intensity.

Dorsey you said, "Our difference is that those emotions are activated by different triggers, stemming from our unique perceptions and needs". I was wondering if the difference was based more on our values and beliefs. I might see you as being cruel yet believe it is best and react gently while someone else might believe being cruel is totally unnecessary and react harshly. We both would perceive you as cruel yet one values the apparent need above the assumed deed. Were you really creul? Only you know. Was it really needed? Only God knows. Should either of us have judged you? I say no, but we all have a responsibility to resolve our feelings. I suspect this should begin by an examination of our values and beliefs.

1/19/2006 09:16:00 AM  
Blogger nathaniel adam king said...

In response to Rose's comment, did y'all know that what women go through once a month, guys go through once a day?

1/19/2006 09:23:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

okay Adam, you've got my curiosity peaked! Tell it all brother!

1/19/2006 09:27:00 AM  
Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

My ex-fiance used to criticize me for not expressing my emotions. One of the reasons why she felt our relationship would not work out.

Of course, on those occasions when I broke down and got really upset, she did not know how to handle it.

I find emotions tiring. If I feel joyful, it only lasts for a few minutes. After that I just feel exhausted and depressed.

I am not actually feeling miserable at the moment. I am quite happy. This comment probably seems a bit moody.

Every Blessing in Christ


1/19/2006 11:27:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Matthew you've hit on nearly a million points here. First you know how you feel. You are able to distiguish between your feelings. Second your feelings are not the basis for your determination about your present disposition. Many people base their perception of their welfare completely on how they feel. Another point for consideration in your comment; why is it important for us to know how others feel?

Arrrgh!! Too many thoughts coming out of this little post! ;-)

1/19/2006 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

Kc said...
Kris, I think you're the first to mention the "I" word

Of course kc! Isn't that my biggest problem: its all about ME.

I...ahum..just can't wait to see what adam has to say, then we will really see how much and many emotions are different between the sexes LOL

1/19/2006 11:57:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Well Kris if it'll make you feel any better you weren't the only one to use the "I" word. ;-)

Here! Here! on Adam's response. You can never find him when you need him! ;-)

1/19/2006 12:07:00 PM  
Blogger nathaniel adam king said...

Well, I kind of didn't want to go into much detail, because it is very detailed.

But the hormonal fluctuation that women have monthly are supposed to happen to men daily.

To be blunt, this is why you will see that guys have more of a sexual drive more frequently (y'all better understand what I"m saying, I didn't want to use the wording that I was thinking).

If you pay attention to guys behavior daily, you will notice a 'mini-pms' kind of action going on. Their moods change. I think mine is normally at night, this is sometimes skewed given my depression, but night is likewise when my depression normally kicks in.

Now, if you ask me for links and whatnots, I wouldn't know what to tell. I say all this to say that I have heard this from many different people (some of which have been doctors), but do recognize that I could be spouting off heresay. But I doubt it seriously given the observatin that I have seen of this within myself, and within other guys I know.

1/19/2006 01:23:00 PM  
Blogger Kristi said...

Okay, I don't know all the technicalities of it, but I would definitely agree that most men I know go through a complete cycle every day. Yep. I agree. Their mood swings are like a squished up, quickly-moving version of womens'.

1/19/2006 01:44:00 PM  
Blogger nathaniel adam king said...

'squished up, quickly-moving version'


1/19/2006 02:39:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Adam thanks for filling in the blanks.

Kristi thanks so much for extended our vocabulary of technical terms! ;-)

1/19/2006 04:05:00 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

Can I pretend I am a eunuch and wonder what adam is talking about?

Can I just be quiet and know that what adam is talking about has the capability of stirring up many emotions that are different between men & women?

ROTFL my sides hurt so bad from the emotion of laughter

Sorry buddy......life is just downright fun at times and I love it!

1/19/2006 06:04:00 PM  
Blogger dorsey said...

Sorry for the distance between my comments, but I'd like to respond to your question about values and belief.

You said:
"I might see you as being cruel yet believe it is best and react gently while someone else might believe being cruel is totally unnecessary and react harshly. We both would perceive you as cruel yet one values the apparent need above the assumed deed. Were you really creul? Only you know. "

You're adding reason to the equation, which exercises a measure of control, acting as a filter, if you will, through which emotions are interpreted. That notwithstanding, pure emotion is a function of many, many factors, environmental, historical, hormonal, ideological, etcetera ad nauseum. I think values and beliefs are factors, but they cannot be isolated as emotional triggers outside the context of all the other factors.

1/19/2006 07:15:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Kris you can only fool your self now and quiet is not allowed! ;-)So you really think men and women feel differently about sex?

Dorsey, no problem on the delay. I appreciate the response. One of the things I like about blogging is the absence of pressure in replying.

In the example I offered reason was the determining factor for the belief that you were cruel but whether reached through reason, prejudice, perception or predisposition I believe the emotion occurs when, consciously or subconsciously, we believe it is valid and the intensity varies with the depth of our belief and our value concerning the circumstance. If we overturn either our value or our belief we resolve the feeling as invalid. If we confirm both we resolve it as valid. I know that most argue that feelings are complex but I can’t find that. What I do find is that beliefs are complex and that by virtue of deception. As always I welcome your thoughts.

1/19/2006 09:29:00 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

"So you really think men and women feel differently about sex?"

Yes & no. :)

I think our sex; being male and female makes us feel differently about sex....sometimes.

I think I'm starting to sound as vague as guy I know from athens!

Seriously though, let me know what you think about this:

Paul speaking by the Holy Spirit said that if a man does not love his wife he does not love himself. Paul also compares Christ loving the church like a man loves his wife.

So "I" think that the purest form of sex spiritually, which is not to say that sex for fun is bad, is this:
a man giving love and women receiving love.

So naturally isn't this experiencing different emotions by both parties.

I think I can really use more scripture to make my claim but this is not the topic of your post so I will stop at this.

1/20/2006 06:12:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Kris thanks for the response. Maybe we can discuss some of this on the pub forum someday soon. ;-)

1/21/2006 01:55:00 PM  

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