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    "You are really cool you are married to an European!! How cooler can you be??"
    Fisherman Pecheur

    "Smarty Pants"
    Mad Matt

    "Oh, you did not ask for Bonhoeffer's opinion did you? You wanted mine..."
    the SOFYST

    "You are like the master at this "feelings" stuff!
    Kind Kristi

    "I enjoy your comments, but they are always delightfully enigmatic"
    Dyspraxic Fundamentalist


Sunday, March 19, 2006

Time Out

If your Church issues a weekly bulletin be sure you have a good editor! According to Corry's blogger buddy, Pat, "these sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services".

~ The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

~ The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

~ Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

~ Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

~ The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

~ Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

~ Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

~ Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

~ For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

~ Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

~ Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

~ The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

~ Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

~ A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

~ At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

~ Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

~ Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

~ Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

~ The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

~ Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

~ The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

~ This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

~ Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

~ The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

~ Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

~ The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

~ Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

I wonder if there's a similar list somewhere for bloggers. (Thanks Pat!) ;-)

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18 Comments:

Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

Amusing.

3/19/2006 02:54:00 PM  
Blogger Seeker said...

I actually heard a pastor ask people to write their names on his "shine up seat"...

3/19/2006 03:56:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

I thought so too Matthew. ;-)

Karen I don't know what's more funny, the slip of the tongue or the straight faced reactions to it. There is a difference between sober and somber right? At any rate I hope they all found the appropriate place to mark their "X". ;-)

3/19/2006 04:45:00 PM  
Blogger bluecollar said...

Casey,

Didn't you know that the Sunday bulletin at my church is copy-righted material?! :-)

3/19/2006 05:24:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

hahaha Mark. I want to go to Church with you! ;-)

3/19/2006 05:44:00 PM  
Blogger Dee O'Neil Andrews said...

Those are funny, kc. I've seen lots of such "lists" before and they are always fun to read.

I don't think I've seen one for bloggers yet, but I'm sure there are a lot of missteps out there in "blogland." I'll have to start looking for them, I guess.

Laughter and humor are both such blessings from God, I think. Are we like God do you think in that He blessed us all (well - MOST of us, anyway) with senses of humor? Don't you think God must have some sort of "sense of humor" in a lot of things, or have you ever thought about it? I have. I think He does, when you look at some things in His creation.

Especially US! Prime example.

It has to come from SOMEWHERE. At least that's MY take on things.

Those were fun. Thanks.

Dee

3/19/2006 06:10:00 PM  
Blogger nathaniel adam king said...

Hello. Has it been a while since I have talked to you, or has it just felt that way?

3/19/2006 06:49:00 PM  
Blogger Seeker said...

One of the thing's that bother's me the most about blogger's, is their misuse of apostrophe's.
:<}

3/19/2006 07:46:00 PM  
Blogger Kc said...

Dee, I like parts of this answer and parts of this one. If you compile that list please let me know! ;-)

Adam let's just say another day or so and I was going to let the dogs out! Spring break? I'm just glad to hear from you. ;-)

Karen its' good thats' not one of the thing's that keep's me from reading them! Anotehr thing is speeling! Ya now wht I meen? ;-)

3/19/2006 08:13:00 PM  
Blogger Rose~ said...

I have seen this before Casey!

I do the Sunday bulletin - it is a part of my part-time job at my church. I normally am very good at keeping typos and absurdities out of the bulletin. I made a really embarrassing mistake last summer, though.
:~)

3/19/2006 08:43:00 PM  
Blogger bluecollar said...

Rose,

please share that mistake, please, please, pretty please!

3/20/2006 06:48:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Rose I'm with Mark. Confession is good for the soul. (hehe)

3/20/2006 08:06:00 AM  
Blogger Kristi said...

Very funny! =)

3/20/2006 09:13:00 AM  
Blogger Rose~ said...

Well, er ... uh ...
I hate to tell it because I am rather picky about spelling. Oh, OK, here goes:
On the fourth of July, on the front of the bulletin - in large letters - I was told to wish everyone a happy day. In huge letters, I misspelled the word "Independence."

"Happy Independance Day!"

Mortifying!

700 bulletins. One man came up to me, and kindly gave me a good way to remember the correct spelling. "Baptists don't dance."

(Embarrassment is good for the soul, too.)
;~)

3/20/2006 09:14:00 AM  
Blogger Kc said...

Kristi just in time! ;-)

haha Rose I don't think that one will make this list but I'm sure your congregation took advantage of the opportunity. So do you feel better now? (hehe)

I really am a terrible speeler. ;-)

3/20/2006 09:20:00 AM  
Blogger bluecollar said...

HA! Rose misspelled something! I shall never forget this..:-)

3/20/2006 09:55:00 AM  
Blogger audrey` said...

So funny =P

3/21/2006 12:33:00 AM  
Blogger Jim said...

Too hilarious!!!!

3/21/2006 09:21:00 AM  

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